The Words and Wisdom of Big Joe Burrell

Our own blues legend writes the rules of love.

Maintaining a love-life as a musician is difficult. Trying to get the music and love-life to work together is tricky. If you're a musician, you've probably already experienced this for yourself.

I see couples doing a pretty good job of it, but a lot of others who run into problems. Not to mention all the regular stuff that's hard about the music business in general.

Music and the entertainment business come first for me. After that is everything else. Whoever you fall in love with - they have to love it too because you can both really pay.

Some people let their love-life dictate what happens. But, then they become stagnate, if they stop playing with their friends or never go out-of-town.

A friend of mine told me this story: he was in one of the clubs in Toledo where a bunch of my friends were bragging about my playing to a trumpet player who was playing with Count Basie and Frank Sinatra - the greats. His name was Sweets (Harry) Edison. It was right after the war, in 1946, and I was spending most of my time in Toledo then. I always liked it there. I knew all the club owners and had a lot of friends and what not.

But what Sweets said to my friends, I never forgot.

He said: "He's one of the best unknown tenor saxophone players. And he'll always be 'unknown' unless he gets out of Toledo and travels."

You see, that's how a good many players lose out. They stay in one place. So, when I heard that, I realized for myself - I needed to keep moving; even if it meant my love-life might suffer.

I enjoyed the Toledo music scene. But I left. That was in 1960.

See, in order make a good living and not get too stale as a musician, you need to get recognition outside your town. I needed to go up to the next level. So, I traveled with The B.B. King Orchestra.

I became known as a "musician's musician," which meant: "He can take care of himself; he's good at what he does; and musicians love to play with him."

In this case, you see, fame was not exactly what we were striving for. But, you have to have some "fame" with your fans and the audience. I never wanted to be the intellectual kind of player who looks down on people. I'm an entertainer. I realized after years of playing, fame would come - one way or another. A certain level of fame is something every band needs. That way, you build up an audience and get more good gigs. That's always going to be the case. Naturally, if you strive only for fame, you waste a lot of time.

However, sometimes you've got fame and you don't know it. That happened to me.

So, here's some advice. If your agent or your manager says, "let's have breakfast," go. Listen to what they have to say. They're in touch with what audience members are saying about you. They're out there selling you. Generally, they are going to know what you need. I had it happen a couple of times. I didn't go, and I missed out on a couple of big opportunities.

Hear people out. Ask questions. Be cool.

Okay. Let's say, you go to breakfast and something good has come up, but it means you are going to be doing a lot of traveling . . .

I remember this young man; a very good tenor sax and flute player in Toledo named Harold Lindsay. He married and his wife didn't want him to leave town and as a result, he withered on the vine, so to speak. He still could play. But he never became known outside of Toledo.

Now, I like the women. Oh, yes. I love women. But, as I said, my music is my first love. I don't recall exactly, whether I was in-love at the time when I didn't get up and go to the breakfast. But, I guess I'd have to say: I regret missing those opportunities.

You can pay a heavy toll when you start to have a love-life, especially with family and children. You're out there on the road, they miss you, you miss them. Your kid gets sick and you need to get back to her.

And, of course the jealousy. A person needs to be certain about their relationship if they are going to stay together. That can be hard out there. What if something's not right back home?

My first real girlfriend LuLu Reed out of Port Clinton - a heck of a singer. I really loved this girl. We had a son together. She was singing with Sonny Long Gone Thomas when she had her first hit: "I'll Drown in My Own Tears."

Later on, Ray Charles had a big hit with that tune . . .

Anyway, it didn't matter that we were both musicians. Sometimes that's a help. But in this case, what happened is she outgrew me. Our careers went in different directions. And, to tell you the truth - I probably got jealous of her success. I was young and she was my first love, and my feelings became a problem with me.

Generally, a spouse gets jealous of all the attention the music demands from the musician. Then there are fans who make demands on the artist. It's hard to have to sit back and watch fans paw all over your mate.

Take Christine Adler, who's gaining in popularity. She's married to drummer Luke Adler. I pray no one gets between them, 'cause they're a great couple. I've seen it happen so many times. So, I tell them, "Don't let other people get in between you two." They understand the business. Fans are going to want to talk to her. The musician has got to talk with the fans and friends that come into the clubs. Fans are important. This is how we find out how the music is coming across. Without the feedback, musicians might as well play just for each other; or stay at home and play alone.

So, if you're a musician, looking for a mate, make sure to choose someone who at least has a clear understanding of the business. Otherwise, it can stifle you and your music.

Think back to when you first got into the relationship. Remember what the other person was doing when you first met. What they were doing is part of who they are. Don't try to change that or you'll change the person. Unless they want to be changed, love them for who they are.

I've seen it happen many times. If it's the wife who doesn't want her husband to go out and play the gigs, or go on the road, he'll just sit there. If she gets him to quit playing, she can pretty much expect him to get depressed; 'cause that'll mess-up his playing.

Being a musician is hard enough. It's a constant struggle to improve your playing, keep up with the new players coming onto the scene. Maintain your composure in the clubs when things get crazy or a fight breaks out. All these things. To have your spouse not understand the politics of the scene you're in, or the business you're dealing with, or just some of the things that happen when you go out to play - that can be hard. Very hard.

Perhaps the perfect situation would be for the musician to hitch up with someone who had the same dedication to the music as the musician. Then if you can get through all the heart aches together, and you can last 'til all the children are grown up - so you can have a little time alone together - that could be very nice.

You know, the world makes you what you are.

Let me tell you something. I'm a romantic. I truly like ballads, maybe even more then the blues, sometimes. I'll even pick the ladies out in the audience and sing those ballads to them, sometimes.

But love generally dies when you're gone out on the road, unless you get someone to love who's also in the business. It's just easier. When someone's not in show business, it's hard to understand.

So, here are the rules. 1. Love the one you've got. 2. Support the musician and the musician supports you. 3. Don't try to change one another; unless you choose to be changed. 4. If you're going to be a musician, be a musician. 5. Remember to give and take 6. and take what you give 7. Make music your first love and 8. find someone who loves it as much as you do. 9. Support each other doing whatever your creative thing is. 10 Remember: your horn won't keep your feet warm in the winter, and it's nice to have someone to talk with. 11. Don't throw the word love around haphazardly. Love means you will just do everything for that person. That's serious. You better mean it, or you'll get yourself in a lot of trouble.

I was shy all my life, especially as a kid. I was kinda ugly. I had a big birth mark on my face, and people use to comment on it. I'd hide behind my mother, you know, behind her skirt. But it was good for me, because I learned to observe people, to watch how people acted with each other. I would watch people so much, I got to where I could almost tell you what was going be said or what was going to happen.

But you can play it too safe, also.

So, get out there and play, and create great tunes and express what you've observed, as well as, how you feel. Whether it is a love ballad, or the blues from a broken heart. Just play.

And always remember: want the one who wants you. ~GC~

Big Joe Burrell is Vermont's living legend of the blues. He's been packing them into the clubs practically all his life, and he's been our favorite columnist since our first issue back in January of 1995. We're happy to have him back.